The Monday Funny:
So I Pee On This Stick Right?
[But how will that tell me if I have a baby growing inside me?]
How to find out if you’re pregnant? The question everybody just loves to hear out of the mouth of a 6-year-old.
Miss Charlie and I were walking home from school recently and having a little tête à tête catchup. This kind of thing is a rare occurrence now that The Twins are at the same school. Miss Charlie much prefers to walk home with her cooler, older, big sisters instead of her now cast aside but once cool Nanny (even if it does mean she misses out on wrangling an ice cream out of me)!
I had brought Viv along to get some fresh air after a couple of rainy days inside. Perched on my hip, she babbled away to no one in particular and waved her arms around a lot; ahh the sweet life of a baby. We squashed close together at one point to side step a rather large dog and it’s owner (consequently, that saying about dogs and their owners was proved to be true) and Viv stole the opportunity to tug rather forcefully on Miss Charlie’s hair.
As usual she complained, rubbed her head and scolded the baby; who just giggled with a look on her face to say, who me? Which of course made us both laugh too.
Miss Charlie then said,
I love having a baby sister. And I love that it’s Vivienne.
She’s so cute and happy and funny!
I was hoping for a baby sister even before Mummy knew she was pregnant.
…getting pregnant is so disgusting!
At which point of course, I nearly died. Are we really going to have the Birds and the Bees talk now! I thought this was just an average mid-week afternoon, must we have it so soon? And can’t I at least power up on another coffee so that I’m alert and ready to dodge the tricky questions and divert over to something else? Please, I silently begged the gods.
But it seemed as though I was let off the hook, she’d already had The Talk and was ready to fire away about it
.. or had she?
You have to pee on a thermometer to get pregnant. That’s so gross!
OK. Air goes in, hold, air goes out. This isn’t going to be as bad as I thought.
‘Yes well, it does look like a thermometer doesn’t it. But it’s actually not a thermometer. It tells you if you are pregnant and going to have a baby. Then you should always go to the doctor to do some more tests and make sure,’ I said, deftly avoiding having to properly explain the difference between getting pregnant and being pregnant.
You have to wait a few minutes and then if two lines come up, it means you’re pregnant.
When mummy did it, it felt like ages to wait for the lines.
It took forever. I was wishing for it to hurry up!
Yes, I’m fairly certain that those, ‘No less than 3 minutes but no more than 8 minutes,’ feel like an eternity to everyone!
Then mum showed me and we were both jumping up and down we were so happy.
But I was also a bit grossed out that she was holding a thermometer she had just peed on. Eww!
Ignoring her thermometer quip again, I asked why she wanted to have a baby sister?
Because now I’m not the youngest anymore, and I’ll always be older than her.
Even when she’s 6.. [pause, stop, think] I won’t be 6 anymore, I’ll be.. [pause] .. much older!
Hmm, I guess we need to work on those Maths skills little Miss. But I’ll happily take that little compromise. We can work on the adding and subtracting and leave the heavy stuff, like ‘But what did Daddy do to make the thermometer show two lines,’ to another day. A day when you’re much, much older.
And yes, she did just ask me that question.
How to find out if you’re pregnant; fun times in the #nannylife!
More They Said What?!
- The Art of War: Know Your Enemy
- The Soufflé
- The benefits of Horse-Power
- Those Pants Make You Look Fat